Creating a home that is based around mutual affection and enjoyment, begins with a standard of behaviour, and these 5 behaviours, are ones that are not allowed to flourish in my home, with no excuses.
I chose these because when raising kids, as they get a little older, it becomes harder to maintain the delicate balance between growing personalities while holding onto the standard of behaviour that makes home, a nice place to be.
so, for me, these 5 behaviours are ones that I don’t allow.
they do happen, they pop up occasionally, and I have to revisit why they have, and establish why I don’t allow them from my children.
(I discipline my children for these behaviours)
how else would I be able to maintain control of my home and create a peaceful atmosphere, if I was taking on my children for bad behaviours verbally constantly, only to get tired and let that behaviour flourish?
This is number one!
from the age of two to when they move out, ain’t no one taking back to mumma!
now it does happen, and I find it creeps up on me, I will be busy, and then suddenly I will realise I have been hearing it for a little while, and allowing it.
It happens, as mums we are sometimes immune to the behaviours that we see all the time.
I am listing this behaviour in this blog post because they can sneak in as merely a child voicing an opinion, but it grows and suddenly you might have a child who constantly is giving you their two cents worth.
talking back can be
- complaining about being given a task.
- it can be giving you why they shouldn’t have to,
- why they don’t deserve to d it.
- how it annoys them so much.
- how that person should do it rather than them.
- why they are not going to do it well because of …
- it can be outright refusal.
- it can be swearing and yelling (in teens)
if you are struggling with children who talk back there are a few things you can do to overcome it.
the first is to punish talking back.
you can discipline in the way you see fit, but if it isn’t wiring, then I would suggest a harder form of punishment for the child, one that makes them think before they talk back, is it really worth it?
another is to not regard their reasons, even if they are logical IF they have been said in a disrespectful manner.
When you instruct your child to perform or refrain from a task, and they respond impolitely with valid explanations, it is important to still emphasize the need for respectful communication.
Disregarding their response sends the message that only respectful language will be heard and considered.
mind you, a child can quickly work around this loophole and will learn to change their tone to still effectively get what they want.
THE NUMBER ONE RULE IN MY HOUSE IS.
My kids, from the age of 2 till they move out, must say “Yes mum” or “Yes dad” when told to do something.
and this is not perfect, by that I mean kids will stop staying it if I get lazy and stop pulling them up when I don’t hear it.
As my kids get older, I do realise there is a time to allow them to speak, but I want to maintain respect for authority.
I hope to receive feedback on any tasks that I may have missed assigning to another child. However, if a child approaches me with a disrespectful attitude or sour expression, the task will still be delegated to them.
This is another respect issue in my home.
I do not allow anyone to roll their eyes at anyone or anything.
this is an expression of derision, and in my opinion, no child should be expressing that.
if a child ti caught rolling their eyes, it is an immediate loss of privileges.
If they are caught rolling their eyes towards parents, or other adults, it is immediate discipline. ( A smack )
eye rolling is rare in my home, but it does happen, and when it does I am quick to discipline and quick to talk to the child and ask why?
often it is something they pick up in media, or from friends, whose attitudes toward authority is poor.
I am careful not to allow media in my home, (tv shows, movies) that portrays children being disrespectful, with looks, snarky comebacks and the down-on-the-dad attitudes that are so common these days.
just like the saying you are what you eat, for kids, they become what they watch.
Putting others down
became common practice among my two eldest, and I didn’t like it.
they put each down, and others outside the home.
recently I have begun talking to them about the power of our speech, and how we have to control it.
when we are young controlling our tongue can seem very hard, so I had to be vigilant when it came to monitoring my children’s conversation.
it starts with me, I am careful to always encourage when I speak of someone and to always find something nice to say.
my boys who are naturally competitive, can struggle with pride if they feel outdone by each other.
they are always quick to point out the faults in one another, and their tasks.
whenever I hear this, I correct them gently, and just say, “Be a blessing”.
they know what I mean, they know what I am always talking about when we sit for our midmorning chats, being a blessing starts with your speech.
Gossip is another no-no.
not one of us would be pleased to find out we have been spoken about not very nicely around another family’s kitchen table.
my kids were begging to pick up this habit from others out of the home, when talking behind closed doors the topic was almost always what someone did, what someone said and what they should have done, or how bad they looked doing it.
Gossip is an immediate loss of a penny in my kid’s penny jars. (pennies go toward movie nights and Nintendo minutes)
there is nothing good about gossip, and it is something that can become an icky habit in our children if we let it.
it is okay to mention someone, we all have things we want to say and talk about, but we do not put others down, or talk about their lives for our entertainment.
we have more constructive things to talk about.
The kids in my house know if they are caught lying, it is BIG trouble.
no one likes a liar.
they are unlike, untrusted, and disregarded as reliable and loyal.
I do not want that for, my kids.
the punishment for lying is getting double the discipline, and having weeks from movie nights and Nintendo.
Dad is always notified, and will also punish as he sees fit.
You might think this is overkill.
not in my opinion.
our home relies on truth, we spend all our time together, siblings are friends, and Mum and Dad are the authority.
If you have a child who realises they can get away with lying and becomes good at it, the time comes when they are older, for you to begin to trust them to leave the house, to make decisions alone and the whole thread of the parent and child relationship comes undone when you realise you raised a liar.
I know that I can’t prevent my children from ever lying, but by maintaining such harsh punishment, at least while they are in my home, I can help them not become established liars.
read these posts for more on the child training series!