As a busy mother, I asked myself this question while listening to a Christian homeschooling and parenting podcast (Durenda Wilson) and it led me to ask myself, Am I too busy?
It has become my catchall response to “How have you been” “Ah, busy, yeah, really busy”
I say that because I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, yet if I were to dissect what I have been doing, I would have trouble doing so.
sure, I know there are seasons, I believe I am in one right now, seasons where the sink is always full, I am needed at all times, and car trips are not simple with toddlers and matching shoes to find in a farmhouse.
still. listening to this podcast made me pause and I asked myself.
the above image stuck out to me, as this is the dream, right? Being busy in a beautiful place is better than doing less (achieving less) in a less beautiful place.
but, how many of us, are living out the best years of our lives, (with our children in the home) and yet, we busy ourselves with other goals, that we believe are more life-giving?
Is my busyness, fruitful?
Is what I am choosing to fill my time with, fruitful?
How do my kids feel?
How do my kids see and hear me?
Is what I am doing each day having a positive effect on the days ahead?
Does my busyness align with what the lord wants from me?
fruitfulness vs busyness
As a Christian, I believe my calling as a wife and mother is a holy one, a hard one, and most of all, a fruitful one.
in the Proverbs, I take very seriously the promise of my attention to child training, and that a child untrained, in adult life, is a shame to his mother.
That right there gave me an answer. I must never be too busy to child train.
sourdough, a clean home, a perfect garden, home-sewn clothes, none of those things are bad. but if they take away from child training, then they are taking away from my fruitfulness, from my God-given role.
from my knowledge of the bible, I quickly came up with more ways to acknowledge whether my busyness is fruitful, and which areas I need to either adjust, add or remove.
I called to be a helpmeet to my husband. that role is not a side hustle to my child raising, it’s the pivotal place where I find the most joy if I invest in my marriage.
Answer number two, a godly wife, is fruitful. Being busy with cleaning, blogging and whatever I want to “achieve” cannot come before my effort into my marriage, even if that is just prayer.
reading the bible to my children is fruitful, even more so than a textbook. that doesn’t mean I never read textbooks, but it does mean I need to stay aligned with what really counts, and not take on homeschool goals based on the world’s structure, NOT if they take away time to read the bible to my children and disciple them.
you see, based on your values it isn’t hard to answer what is fruitful vs what is merely busy.
How clean should your home be?
for many of us, this is the next question.
I love a clean home, will it be showroom-worthy, er…no.
that would make me busy chasing the wrong goal.
but I enjoy ending the day with a tidy home, and knowing that the next day will be easier and more enjoyable because of it.
I think a clean home is fruitful, as long as it doesn’t take over the above answers (for me anyway)
I teach my kids to clean, I believe this is fruitful for me and for them, but I also keep my home organised and minimal to ease our path to a clean home.
the story of mary and Martha always rings out for me when I think of managing my home and God. when we choose to constantly be marthas, busy, busy, busy, we can miss the things that will truly help us and bring joy and connection.
Can you be too busy for your children?
I think yes. Actually no, I know YES.
first and foremost, I don’t think mothers should work out of the home, but we also need to be careful about how much we take on inside our home if we are aiming to earn money.
blogging for example I have since learned in the last four years is no joke if you want to make money (I don’t make money on this blog, I realised long ago that I couldn’t dedicate the hours to it and you are a slave to keywords which I find unhelpful to write about)
Mothers, don’t be fooled into thinking that you can take on more just because someone tells you they did.
we never know how much or WHAT that mum sacrificed to do that thing she thinks you should do in your home, and that’s the thing with the internet, no one knows, just what mothers don’t see, don’t hear in their homes, when they are dedicating hours of time each day, each and every week to a goal of earning money online.
blogging, YouTube, and social media.
none of it is real, and none will tell you the true cost, either because right now they don’t realise it themselves, or, they don’t have the same values, or even worse, they aren’t being honest(I speak to my own values, child training, discipleship, and training,)
that even if we are doing things for our kids, (sports, outings, play dates, park plays, movie nights) none of these are bad, but when they take over, when they make the day busy to fit them in, we run into being overly busy, but do we feel joy, or is this a season we hope to see end?
children, young and old, need time. time to connect, time to talk, time to read with you, hug you and just be.
children thrive in an environment that is constructive and restful.
it is a new thing to be driving the kids to sports most afternoons and weekends, and I don’t believe it is necessary.
In the home, we can also be absent, too busy to listen, too busy to see, to watch. our answers are clipped and our footsteps are heavy as we busy ourselves with tasks. (and we use screens to babysit)
Now. being busy at times in the day is no crime, in fact, dinner time rush? by far the hardest part of my day. I am busy, but it’s a short time.
But if you are in a huff all the time, you are always overwhelmed, and you can never get anything done, then you may need to assess your busyness, and ask yourself questions like.
- Why am I doing this?
- Can I change this?
- Does what makes me busy align with MY values or are they an outside influence?
- how does my constant action affect my family?
relationships take effort and time
I am bad at this. I should say. I am too busy for friendships.
why? Because I get so busy doing everything that needs to be done.
or does it?
perhaps I need to assess what I am doing, and whether it is fruitful for me spiritually.
I know the answer is no.
it isn’t. I need to change.
(the fact I am writing this is a blog post, online to people I will never meet, and that by doing this robs me of rare rest in my life season right now is ironic and makes me think I should probably stop this)
friends, family, children, marriage. all take effort, they need time, set apart, with all your attention and planning.
being too busy for these things will hurt you and your family later.
Being overly busy isn’t fulfilling in life, marriage and homeschooling
being busy all the time as a mum WILL lead to burnout.
A burnout mum is a joyless one. She struggles to find the energy to be happy while working. she is always tired, she is always stressed.
her home overwhelms her rather than brings joy.
her children feel the stress and discontentment.
as a homeschooler, this is a line I need to watch carefully, I can have my homeschooling routine down, and yet, feel utterly overwhelmed by my busyness in the home.
the choice to end busyness?
When I sat down to think over my busy lifestyle, I came up with this blog post.
most of all I came up with this answer.
being busy is good. being overly busy is not.
being overly busy is a choice.
to enjoy my home, my children, and my marriage. I need to let go of what I cannot afford to do anymore.
To be fruitful and joyful I need to reduce, focus on what aligns with my values, and let go of everything else, no matter how I may feel about it now.
one of the hardest things you can do in this season of life (young children) is relearning what life is about, this self-centred world we live in, where our lives should be about us and our dreams and desires.
That isn’t biblical. We are called to take up our cross daily, which means to take up our death daily. We die to the things of this world. When this world asks, “Why are you no longer doing this?” You need to answer because I love and trust my God more than I could feel doing what the world does.
read the gospel of Luke chapter 14, a great chapter, on choosing God over yourself.
sometimes I get hooked on this blog making money, I think I should do more, be more consistent and forget about sharing what I am really doing and just research the keywords people actually google.
so, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to not achieve anything extra right now.
Rest. raise your kids. Be present. learn, enjoy and grow.
that’s enough.
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