finding time to rest as a busy mother

Finding rest when you have little ones in the home is no easy feat. But there is a way to get daily rest for the whole family, including yourself.

I have found that you need to have a few systems I practice to get it daily for the foreseeable future.

if you want/need daily time to yourself, in quiet, and get it guaranteed then you need to be willing to teach your children to rest with you.

this …

Mothers make their rest.

R. reset.

E. expect. 

S. seek.

T. track.

R. reset. (mothers make their rest)

When I don’t get enough rest it’s down to two things. 

1. I haven’t been diligent in my child training, and my children no longer follow the behaviour standard I taught them so that I could make rest time for myself.
2. I stop thinking rest is important.

resetting learned behaviours of UNREST

this is for you and your children.

let’s address your children first.

let’s start with this.

you can teach your children from a very early age, (1-18 months) that you (mother) deserve rest.

it’s a new ideal that mothers are and should be a slaves to their children.

now let me say yes, a breastfeeding baby is not going to adhere to the times you set to schedule rest.

there are seasons when we get less rest, but I think that a mother in any season if she is diligent, will get the rest she needs at least three times a week, even when she has a newborn.

Children 12 months and older can begin to learn QUIET TIME.

a time, every day, in the afternoon when the whole family is quiet.

books are read. beds are laid in to read or play quietly in, and the mother is either taking a nap or having some much-needed alone time doing something she likes to do or needs to do.

this should happen daily and is a great way to set a behaviour standard in your children that everyone needs to be respectful of another’s needs.

As mothers, we are our best when we know what we need to be our best

let’s address number 2.

I don’t get enough rest when I don’t think I need it.

this happens in two ways.

1. I don’t rest properly, (scrolling, watching ick TV or just wasting time) it eats into my real rest, (reading, walking, an early night, an afternoon cup of tea or coffee in the rocking chair)
2. I think I should be busy resting is slacking off (many of us put our worth into our busyness)

the first is tackled with hard work, because when we are tired, we struggle to get the things done we need to do to get rest, the most important being, to teach our kids that we need rest, and how to act at rest time so the whole family benefits.

it’s harder to stop scrolling when you are tired and tell yourself that THIS IS the downtime you need. when truly, you would end your hour or so of quiet time, either in the afternoon or before bed doing something for you.

wasting time is not resting.

this leads me to my second way of not resting when I need it.

I don’t think I need it.

this happens usually because I have wasted time somewhere, and suddenly I feel bad about it, I need to do so much, I should have sat around that afternoon.

but it always starts the same way.

I was busy, busy, busy and then I crashed. I crash, I don’t rest properly and then I restart the whole process again.

when I neglect rest I can only go so long.

when you neglect rest, you forget how to rest, and then you turn to all the things you think are restful but aren’t and then you feel bad for wasting time.

what you need to do in these situations is plan a rest period, and have at least one thing you can do in that rest time that will help you in the hours, and days to come.

E. Expect. A rested mother expects rest.

if you don’t plan you plan to fail, is that how the saying goes?

rest is not found it is made.

it may mean changing expectations. your house might not be clean when you sit down to rest.

You need to teach your kids what to expect from you when you begin a rest hour in the day.

• I tell my kids I am not here.
• I am here only if you are in a life-and-death situation.
• don’t talk to me.
• don’t ask for food.
• I am here, this is my life too, I need rest and quiet and time to think, to do something with my day.

I don’t think setting these expectations is harsh on my kids.

Am I not worth an hour of the day to them, can they not respect me and my needs for an hour a day?

as my children grow older, (the oldest is 12 and we have had daily rest time since he was born) they still respect my time to rest, and I will let them know, hey, we have been busy, we have read books, talked, cooked, walked, homeschooled.

I need some time now.

in fact, they look forward to this time as much as I do, especially as they get older.

don’t think you have to wait till your kids get older to get some rest.

this is a lie.

You need to train your children to act during rest time. if you are willing to do this then I suggest you join my child training series in the menu at the top of this page.

S. SEEK. A rested Mother seeks restful activities

a restful activity renews your mind and thoughts and makes you ready for the rest of the day.

if you need quiet, if you need exercise, a time to clean an area that annoys you.

now I get it, cleaning as rest? or exercise?

look it isn’t an optimal all-the-time option for rest, but sometimes as busy mothers, that really is the most “restful” option.

Feeling restful can mean being busy but not “overwhelmed”

while we should make sure to seek the kind of rest where we are sitting reading, sewing or just watching a movie, there are many times when we are presented with a quiet moment and doing something we really know will help us feel more in control or being able to restore our sanity is the more restful option.

T. TRACK YOUR REST

Now this isn’t something you need to do religiously, since not many of us would care to.

But we want to prevent feeling overwhelmed feeling like you can’t go on like you have, your days are too full, your nights too short and you’re tired deep in your bones.

we want to avoid getting to this point, and to do that I believe we need to have a plan of rest.

this is done by keeping these questions in the back of your yearly planner as a way to create a plan that can change with you life seasons.

• write down five restful activities you know you will enjoy and look forward to.
• write them in your weekly diary and I aim to hit one a day or at least three a week.

• note down the duration. are they 30 minutes, an hour, or more?
• how often do you feel rested?
• are you pushing these activities to the back burner all the time?
• what has changed in your life that you can no longer get your rest?
• how could you get it back?
• how have your activities changed (if they have changed or you no longer feel rested when you complete them)
• if now is a time when you rest has to change in how it looks how will you rest and when do you think you could try and get more in the future? (newborn season, illness, life change)

read these posts to learn more about how I achieve daily quiet time in my home.

The media our kids consume affects how they behave.

The 4 pillars of effective child training.