When we get busy, the humdrum of life can make us forget that what we chastise our children for, however we do it, shapes THEIR ideals, what is important to you now, in the little moments, becomes what shapes their values and hearts.
if you have no idea what I am talking about then let me explain.
If you are cross because little Johnnie smashed yet another plate, and discipline him for being careless, yet you don’t discipline him when you catch him in a lie, what does that tell him?
Mum values her things a lot.
if I lie, that isn’t so bad.
That message shapes a child. As parents, we need to be careful about our consistency, what we pull our children up for, and discipline them for, and what we don’t.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t chastise a careless child for running with your crockery when you asked them not to, but it means that you must be consistent with your values.
the ultimate question here, is, what are your values, what can you instil in your children to shape them into honest, kind, selfless adults?
you can choose whatever values are important to you and through learning how to child train, you can take the time to more consistently share your values with your children.
Respect for authority is always my first, my children are more afraid to outright disobey me than they are breaking a teacup.
5 values you should pass on to your kids.
what is a value? what should we be teaching our kids?
society shapes our value system, where we spend a lot of our time, what we do and with who has a huge input into what we become, even as adults.
so the first thing you need to understand is what you can’t control.
Raising kids doesn’t mean giving them the perfect circumstances so they can have great outcomes, instead, you need to use your circumstances to teach them how to react to them, and that can create outcomes that are just as favourable.
honestly leads to integrity, and integrity is powerful. When someone is labelled a liar, it is a label they can never shake off, and the damage it does is huge to new adults just finding their way in the world.
Honesty should be something you strive for in your home.
that means being always on the lookout for potential lying, which may seem harsh, but kids will try it one day, and if they get away with it once, they will try again. You need to be ready, with a discipline plan in place, and know that it must be harsh enough that they will rarely if ever want to risk lying again.
My kids know that even if they did something wrong, something that don’t want to get caught for, the consequences for that act will be way less severe than anything they will get if they get caught lying.
you need to make it scary, because when children are young and foolish fear is one of the only ways they will stop and think about what they are about to do, which is exactly the attitude you need to instil in them.
lying comes easy, the more you do it, the better you get, remember that if your child is a practised liar, it will be hard to spot, but if you do, be sure to nip it in the bud, and save your future adult children, the shame of being called a liar from their peers.
obedience, when taught correctly (teaching the deeper reasons behind our obedient actions) will become respect for authority in adults.
respect for the law, respect for the boss, respect for elders, and so on.
this is another powerful trait to have, especially as a young adult. An adult who doesn’t respect authority is someone no one wants to hire or take the time to teach, they are a bad influence on others, and they fail easily since with respect for authority comes the infinite wisdom to LISTEN.
in my home, obedience is the first lesson I teach, from the age of one, teaching obedience should be a habit in your home.
there is nothing wrong with an obedient child, you are not creating robots, you are not crushing their spirit, you are moulding a selfishly willed child to be able to co-exist with others, they can be a beneficial part of society and give them opportunities to be helpful, grateful, and compassionate.
A very disobedient child is none of those things, and they are not nice to be around.
from basics like eating vegetables before dessert to getting up early to finish a task on time.
these are traits that are easily left out of a children’s world. Then suddenly when they are living on their own or working they have to learn how to self-regulate bad and good habits.
In the home, you should be demonstrating the ebb and flow of work and rest, and how to make time for both. You can also teach your children from the ages of 6-7 and up how to begin to discipline themselves to reach goals.
teach your children why, explain to them why there are chores and limited screen time, and why they have to earn money, these are all valuable lessons, and children need to know WHY. set them up to understand their value, and that we can make a lot with our lives if we are willing to work hard and use our time wisely.
from setting morning alarms to having school work done on time to having jobs for pocket money done by a set date. Making time to tend a patch of garden, or keeping a pet, are all lessons children need to learn that their time and energy are valuable, and that rest is all the sweeter when you have worked hard to earn it.
Set your children up for successful adulthood by teaching them these valuable lessons in time management, work and play and a job well done. take opportunities, to create goals for your children, from tasks to reading lists.
Serving others/putting others’ needs first.
this can be hard for some children, nevertheless is it a very important character trait to learn.
you can practice this yourself, do things to others, and put yourself out from time to time.
to teach your children this have them do something for their siblings or friends, make a cake and have them serve others first, and have them set aside some of their pocket money to buy a gift.
reward a child for helping without being asked, (the penny reward system works well here) in my home my older boys cook breakfast, and have to serve their siblings and help feed the 15 months old, this is on their allotted breakfast mornings and is done with a good attitude.
not only does this teach self-discipline since they have to be up earlier than the other children in the home to have breakfast on the table in time, but they also have to serve others, which means setting the table, and cutting food for toddlers.
when I first started this exercise I was unsure what the results would be, and while we still have a ways to go when it comes to ultimately teaching my children to put others first, we have come a long way from where we started.
take every opportunity to think of others and their needs, from playing a game of cards when they may not feel like it, urging them to just play one round, so the others have enough players, or holding doors for each other when helping me bring in the groceries, these little acts with I have to prompt at times, all work toward creating children who can put others first.
take the time to explain why, teach them what it means to do this, and find the balance between being helpful versus being used because that can happen if they are dealing with a selfish peer.
this one is important, we need to teach our children how to question the world around them, and how we can be able to learn and try to understand where people’s opinions come from, as well as discern a good from a bad decision.
teaching this requires the use of discernment of your own, practising it in your own life, reading, researching, asking others what they think and why, and taking the time to think before you act.
pass these skills onto your children, ask them why they think we do certain things, why peers do things they may not agree with and how to treat those situations with empathy.
teaching discernment comes with questioning and being willing to have a conversation when situations arise where your children have to make decisions.
as a Christian family, we read the bible and talk about what it tells us about, speaking, thinking and doing, all with the discernment of God’s word.
taking the time to help and prompt your children in this crucial life skill will help them make better decisions, and understand how to stop and think before starting something, joining peers or making big decisions.